Hay una frase en Latin que dice, “Amor Vincit Omnia.”  En español diríamos Amor vence todo.  Y, me encanta esa frase porque es la verdad.

Pero, necesitamos realizar que es muy difícil para dar el amor y recibir el amor.  Muchas veces nos olvidamos que toma tiempo para amar algo, o alguien, o nuestros mismos.

En realidad, ¿cuantas personas aman sus mismas?  ¿Cuantas personas están contentos con quienes son?  Yo sé que no es todo porque todos no estamos satisfechos con nuestros mismos.  Pero necesitamos empezar aquí.  Antés de amar otra persona, o una profesión tenemos que amar nuestros mismos.

Pero, ¿cómo podemos amar nuestros mismos?  Fácilmente.  Si entendemos nuestros mismos, y somos honestos con nuestros mismos, es muy fácil.  Lo que es difícil es cuando mentimos y fingimos sobre quienes somos.  Si no tengo mucho dinero, necesito aceptar que no soy una persona que tenga dinero.  Si yo soy inteligente, necesito realizar que soy inteligente.  Si no soy atractivo a las mujers, necesito ir a un doctor para cambiar mi cara.  Es una broma.  Otra vez, necesito saber que no soy una persona atractiva.  Nos vamos a sentir mejor si podemos ser honestos y vamos a amarnos también.

Es lo mismo con otras personas también.  Si queremos amar a alguien, tenemos que ver toda de la persona, y aceptar quienes son.  Es ridículo para finger que una persona es mas  cariñosa o abierta o atlético que ella es en realidad.  Debemos ver la persona claramente y con ojos abiertos.  Tras de eso, vamos a experimentar un amor mas fuerte que podemos imaginar.

Para debatir la eutanasia, es un poco erróneo. Nos hablaríamos cómo puede querer morir una persona. ¿Por que quieres morir? ¿Por que estás triste? ¿Por que no te gusta tu vida? Vivimos en una sociedad dónde muchas personas no pueden tolerar el dolor y el sufrimiento. Entonces, necesitamos hablar sobre eso. Necesitamos enseñarnos cómo podemos tolerar sufrimiento.

Un ejemplo. Imagina una persona que está muy enferma. Ella tiene SIDA o algo horrible. Y, por supuesto, ella quiere terminar su vida. Tal vez, puedo decir, “Que horror! Ella va a morir en un rato. Meses, años, década, no sé. Pero es SIDA! AHHH!! Y nadie va a querer tocar a ella. Nadie va a casarse con ella. Nadie va a hacer el amor con ella. Que triste! Sin amor, sin sexo, sin tocando. No quisiera vivir tampoco!” (Es una mentira.)

La idea es sencillo. Ella aprendería cómo vivir con esta enfermedad y viviría mejor. Es fácil para dejar de vivir, pero es más difícil para aprender vivir con entusiasmo, con cariño, y con ganas. Todas las personas en el mundo sufren. Claro, hay personas que sufren más que yo, o tí, o ella. Pero, necesitamos hablar cómo aceptar sufrimiento y tolerar sufrimiento.

Todos morirán, pero no todos vivirán bien. Esto es el problema. No hablaríamos sobre eutanasia. Esto es inaceptable. Nos ocupamos del sufrimiento y cómo podemos minimizar el dolor. Todos pueden ser feliz y disfrutar sus vidas.

I’m going to begin writing and producing a documentary; my first one in fact. It will be about one of the most important issues in any country.  It will be about EDUCATION.  And I know it sounds a tad bit arrogant to say that, since I’m a teacher and all.  It’s kind of like saying English, or the teaching of languages, is the most important subject since it’s the subject I teach, but this is different. If you look at any society and the way its people are, you can trace it back to the way in which they became educated. How we behave, how we come to view ourselves, the people we interact with, the facts and information we gain about the world, and what we’re able to do, or not do, all comes back to our education. To our parents’ educations. To their parents’.  And, of course, to our teachers’ educations.

So here’s the rub: I want…no I will…and I’m going to create a documentary about the different educational systems around the world. The objective is simple: I’m going to compare and contrast the way different countries on different continents educate their children and then explain how this impacts their society.

For example, in the U.S. there is an insane amount of emphasis placed on testing and accountability; not so much on creativity and analytical thinking. This, in turn, does impact the society. You create people who don’t question things as freely; people who feel as though they’re constantly being “watched over” by someone; people who, at the end of the day, comply to your demands. Sit in your seat and work, or I’ll fail you. Sit in your cubicle and work, or I’ll fire you. The teacher is in charge, do what he says. The boss is in charge, do what she says. “BUY THIS PRODUCT IF YOU WANT TO BE BEAUTIFUL,” the ads say as the children obey without question or criticism.

This is far different than the philosophy of Thailand where emphasis is placed on self-discovery. The teacher is merely a guide, and the students are encouraged to find things out on their own. They stress the ability to come up with answers on their own, think for themselves, and to see the inter-connectedness of all things. Once again though, the teacher is merely a facilitator and a guide. Imagine what this does to a population of people who truly learn in this environment. It would be much more difficult to send these people to Iraq, or make them buy a plasma screen TV, or force them to sit at a desk ALL DAY and punch numbers or make telemarketing calls.

But words are one thing, images are another. Through the documentary, I would be able to SHOW these education systems along with the societies and people in which they’ve created.

Now…all I need is funding. Anyone out there have a few thousand dollars lying around? If you do, call me.

I never gave too much thought to Leonardo da Vinci until recently. He was always one of those guys like Plato and Aristotle that I’d hear about in school–how brilliant they were, what a difference they made in the world, etc.–and I always tended to ignore da Vinci. But now, after learning more about the life he lived on a daily basis, and the things he accomplished, I’m fascinated. Here are some things from the book I read about him, that I want to remember, before I give the book back. Some are simply sayings or things he did, and others are activities I want to incorporate myself.

1. Keep random notes about things in a variety of places. Don’t worry so much about keeping everything perfectly organized. If a thought comes, write it down.

2. The brain can learn seven facts per second, every second if used properly.

3. Take more time to draw and sketch certain things. Focus on details and try to recreate them.

4. At some point, make a list of 100 questions I have about myself, the world, or even simple things. Narrow that list down to the 10 most important and see what they reveal.

5. Meditate more often.

6. Ask questions constantly when I don’t understand something. Don’t be so proud that I’m afraid of not knowing a word or a person or an event.

7. Learn from others. Both those who inspire me and those who I wish never to be like. Learn from Anti-Role Models.

8. Awaken and stimulate the five senses with variety. (Taste, smell, touch, sight, hearing.)

9. Constantly work to create environments which foster peace, creativity, and that inspire.

10. Embrace change and ambiguity.

11. Mind map my past. Then do it for my present. Then, finally, for my future goals and ambitions.

12. Never forget that the body, the mind, and the soul are connected. What I eat impacts how I think. Exercise stimulates the heart, but also the mind. If my body and my mind are calm, so too will be my soul.

13. Remember: the environment and the people are connected, and we should care for each other as a result of this.

14. Keep my life balanced.

• Some final quotes:

“Amor vincit omnia.” – Latin Proverb

“Love conquers all.” (This was one of Leonardo’s favorite Latin quotes.)

“The love of anything is the fruit of our knowledge of it, and grows as our knowledge deepens.” – Leonardo da Vinci

“Dime con quién andas y te diré quién eres.” – Spanish Proverb

“Tell me with whom you walk, and I’ll tell you who you are.” – Spanish Proverb

There’s a certain part of me that wants to believe I’m strong enough to be unaffected by my surroundings. If the people around me are angry, negative, stressed-out, or apathetic for the most part I feel as though I can rise above this and maintain my own gravity. I can be who I am.

But there’s also the undeniable reality that I am influenced, innately, by what takes place around me. My family, my friends, my colleagues, even my students greatly impact the person I am. Yet it doesn’t end there. I’m also shaped by the music I listen to, the movies I choose to watch, and of course the books I spend time with.

My world, the way I see it and live it, is completely carved by these things. That’s why I try to select these things wisely and why I’m careful about how I spend my time. One book I’ve recently finished, which I happened to read while I was battling a case of bronchitis is How to Think Like Leonardo DaVinci. I know it sounds pompous and a bit ridiculous, but I opened it haphazardly one day after a student had lent it to me, and I was immediately engaged. It talks about seeing life differently, smelling life differently, and even sets out questions we should generate for ourselves. The book details how diverse DaVinci was, and different techniques he used to keep track of his diverse thoughts. From mind-mapping, to keeping a journal on hand at all times, it was clear that no thought was wasted. One chapter that really caught my eye was about the connectedness that DaVinci saw in virtually everything and everyone. His curiosity for life intrigued me and inspired me to begin doing some of these activities as well.

Another book I just began reading is called Three Cups of Tea. It’s about a man who fails to climb one of Pakistan’s tallest mountain, K2, but in the process he discovers a village in desperate need of education for its children. He then, slowly, begins to motivate people around the world to help him in his quest to build schools in this remote region of the world. Up to this point he has helped build 53 different schools.

Through stories such as these, and reading about different people I become inspired. Sure, I can motivate myself and I can make my own decisions about the life I ultimately want to live, but I’m also wise enough to know that my perspective is also influenced by what I expose myself to. Who I am never has been, and never will be isolated from those around me. It is true that we shape the world around us, but the world most definitely shapes us too.

I took this picture two weeks ago at a music festival I went to with a group of friends in Santiago, Guatemala. Had my friends not persuaded me to go, I might not have. And, had a friend not taught me how to use my camera in this way, I might not have ever learned how to use this effect on my camera.

There’s beauty in writing; in the mellifluous flow of words.  And, unfortunately, this is why I struggle to write in Spanish.  I’m not to the point where I can write fluidly so I constantly revert back to the language I’m more comfortable with.  If I’m going to take the time to sit and write, I want the freedom to express myself fully, and be uninhibited because I don’t know the word for this, or I don’t know how to express that.

Perhaps, once I feel as though I’ve written enough in English, I’ll progress into Spanish.  But as of right now, I’ve been awfully negligent in my native tongue and I have the craving, once again, to write in it.

I had this terrible feeling yesterday. I was in the shower, and I heard my cell phone ring. Then I heard my home phone ring. Then my cell phone again. I knew instantly that it was my sister trying to call because she’s the only one who knows my home number.

Then, suddenly, I had this overwhelming fear that she was calling to tell me that our mom had passed away. I know this seems illogical and even neurotic, but the truth is, my mom could die at any minute as her Multiple Sclerosis continues to destroy her body. And I’m left with the realization that, if something were to happen, I would not be able to say goodbye.

This is one of the hardest aspects about living in Guatemala. Although I love almost everything about being here, the thought of my mom dying without saying goodbye to her makes me feel vulnerable and even scared.

Despite the fact that every time I’m home I spend as much time with her as possible, and I tell her I love her repeatedly, and I make sure she knows how grateful I am for everything she has done for me…

…I’m still afraid.

We need mentors. I don’t care if you’re eight years old, 18 years old, or 58 years old. We all need people whom we can look at and say, “I admire them and the way they live their lives. I look up to them, because I know they are living their lives with a purpose and with truth.”

A mentor can be someone alive or dead, they can be someone famous, or they can be your best friend. But you have to be able to recognize something in them that you genuinely know is good and true.

Martin Luther King Jr. has always been one of my mentors for the simple fact that he gave his life to serve others. He sacrificed a great deal–ultimately his life–because he believed in a cause, and it was clear that his life served a greater purpose than simply entertaining himself or accumulating wealth.

The fact of that matter is, we need more positive heroes who not only remind us of what it means to live a noble life but who also MOTIVATE US TO BECOME BETTER. Some people I look up to and admire are below:

• Martin Luther King Jr.
• Mahatma Gandhi
• Jesus Christ
• Buddha (Siddhartha)
• Bill Gates
• Rosa Parks
• Bono
• Albert Einstein
• Abraham Lincoln
• Nicholas Glab
• Nelson Mandela
• And many more…

At times I get these poetic urges
and creative surges

I’ll write down a word, a line, then a verse
it feels natural to me, like a woman carries a purse

This has happened tonight
in the midst of a poetic delight
a flow of words have come out right

So here’s a poem about possibility
and a bit about helping humanity,
because if we’d each discover
and uncover our own identity
I do believe
we’d experience unparalleled unity.

We simply need to illuminate our light
come together, and hold on tight

And now…the real poem…

“Even a Small Amount of Light”

Even a small amount of light
when placed just right
can have the power to ignite.

Perhaps if its placed on a piece of art
the beating of the most hollowed heart
might, ever so slowly, restart.

Or maybe if its shined into the sky
as the sun drifts boldy by
the darkness might not make each day die.

Each of us has this same light
which we can ignite
despite the blackness of the night

We simply need the willingness to begin
exposing what we possess within
believing in who we truly are once again.

Then, with all of that light from inside of us
we can capture that love trying to hide from us
stand tall and and regain some pride in us
because we’ll shine together
and take great strides for all of us.

TV, you are evil. You are nefarious. And I remember why I have kept my distance from you for so many years, and why I’ve kept you out of my Guatemalan home. You lie to me, steal from me, and cloud my mind. You are so deceptive that, just yesterday, I almost went out and and purchased a box of Tampax Tampons just because you made them look so cool! But after I realized that I don’t actually use tampons, I finally decided to save the money.

But this is one of your favorite things to do, isn’t it? You are so good at making people buy things we don’t need. Like those Jordans I bought when I was in middle school and high school. I never NEEDED those. But oh, the commercials you made seduced me. The ones with Spike Lee and Jordan. The ones with him flying through the air. What kid wouldn’t want to fly? And this lured me into spending more money than my family could ever afford. Come to think of it, my mom must hate you as much as I do. Her kids crying and screaming because we just HAD to have those shoes. “I wanna be like Mike, mommy!!!” we would yell.

I wasn’t like Mike though. No, instead I was a self-conscious little brat who didn’t figure out how to ignore materialistic temptation until I was in my 20’s. Just imagine, I could’ve been stronger, and I could’ve had more confidence in myself if you weren’t telling me how much I sucked with every reality television show, with every million-dollar commercial, with every subliminal message.

And this is only one reason why you are rubbish, TV. I don’t even want to get started on the amount of time we waste listening to your nonsense. Instead of learning to play the guitar, or learning to draw, or learning a new language, you want to know what I learned growing up! I learned all of the characters names on Full House, Saved by the Bell, and 90210. I learned that Sam Beckett can travel through time and become a woman, or even an African-American. Information that’s never, ever going to help me in the future. All the while I could have learned about poverty, or even where different countries are located in this never-ending, fascinating world of ours. But you keep this simple and basic, so people don’t question and aren’t curious. It’s no wonder why so few people know when the Civil War started, or which countries were involved in World War II, or why children are such poor readers today.

I could go on. Matter of fact, I will. You also cripple the creativity of the youth. You keep family members from having full, enriching conversations. And you mislead us into thinking the world is a certain way. We learn to fear people of different cultures because of the lies you tell about them. We learn to love war because you romanticize it. And instead of showing us people completing positive, courageous acts…you show us a tiger escaping from a zoo and killing a man; you show us a woman who stabbed her husband because he looked at a gift too early; you show us celebrities who have been in and out of prison or drug rehab.

But it doesn’t have to be this way! Instead, you could show people who are volunteering their time in different countries, and children who are doing extraordinary things on a daily basis. But that’s not news, right? Who wants to hear about a group of middle school students raising money for Darfur, Sudan? Who wants to hear about Peace Corps volunteers all over the globe?

TV, you have so much potential to change the world in a positive way. If only you’d see how beautiful you could be. But wait…would there be any money in that?

Four years ago, almost to the day, I moved out to California to begin teaching. I didn’t move here to be close to the beach, or for the warmer weather, or even to make new friends. My main purpose for moving all the way from Iowa to California was simple: I wanted to develop as a teacher, and I wanted to have an impact on the children I taught.

Now, four years later, as I take a vacation from my teaching assignment in Guatemala, I am back visiting my old students. Sure I’m here to see friends, and people I taught with, but my main purpose once again is not for that. I’m here to see my students.

And on Friday of last week, at their high school in Rialto, I was able to see so many of them. Students who are now Juniors, Sophomores, and Freshmen came running up to me with huge smiles and open arms. They told me about their college plans, grades they’ve received, teachers they like and those they don’t, girls/boys they’ve dated and broken up with, friends they’ve lost and gained, and what clubs or sports they’re involved with. And as they shared stories about their lives with me, they also told me something else that will stay with me forever. They told me, simply in the way they approached me, that I did have an impact on them, and that my teaching made a difference. Whether it was the letter that one student wrote, or the t-shirt another student gave me, or even the tears that were shed, my old students showed me that my time here in California was important to them.

And I’m back here visiting my former students so that they know how important they are to me. This is my way to show all of them that they’ve impacted my life and my teaching, and that I’m forever grateful. The bond I have with them is more like a bond you’d have with a family member or friend, and by coming to their high school, all the way from Guatemala, I hope they understand how far I would go to help them if they ever needed it.

I came here to California with a purpose, and I feel like I’m achieving that purpose over and over again.

“I heard a nice little story the other day,” Morrie says. He closes his eyes for a moment and I wait.

“Okay. The story is about a little wave, bobbing along in the ocean, having a grand old time. He’s enjoying the wind and the fresh air, until he notices the other waves in front of him, crashing against the shore.
‘My god, this is terrible,’ the wave says. ‘Look what’s going to happen to me!’

“Then along comes another wave. It sees the first wave, looking grim, and it says to him, ‘Why do you look so sad?’

“The first wave says, ‘You don’t understand! We’re all going to crash! All of us waves are going to be nothing! Isn’t it terrible?’

“The second wave says, ‘No, you don’t understand. You’re not a wave, you’re part of the ocean.’ ”

I smile. Morrie closes his eyes again.

“Part of the ocean,” he says, “part of the ocean.” I watch him breathe, in and out, in and out.

- Tuesdays with Morrie, by Mitch Albom

“When each day is the same as the next, it’s because people fail to recognize the good things that happen in their lives every day that the sun rises.” 

- The Alchemist, by Paulo Coehlo

If you look for beauty, you will find it.  If you look for hatred, you will find it.  Be careful what you look for.

Divorce is taboo here in Guatemala. It’s not only shameful to get a divorce, but it’s also somewhat disgraceful to even bring it up. So today, when one of my students asked a question about my family, and it somewhat led into a discussion about my parents separating, she came up to me and apologized after class. And it caught me off guard a little, because I had forgotten how unacceptable divorce was.

In the U.S. whenever I would tell my students about my family, and about my parents getting a divorce, more than half of my students would raise their hands to share a similar story. “I live with my grandparents now,” one of them would say, “because my parents split up, and now neither of them are responsible enough to take care of me.” Or another student might chime in: “That’s nothing.  I’ve watched my mom get married AND divorced three times already.” I could go on and on, not just about the stories they tell, but how freely they share them as well.

And this is just one incident of cultural differences that I’ve experienced in Guatemala. Another one that still shocks me, is how common it is for a girl of 16, 17, or 18 to be with a man who is 25, 26, or even 30. While divorce is surely something to shun, a girl dating a man much older is completely acceptable.

In this U.S., it’s exactly the opposite.  Not only is this illegal, but it’s taboo as well. Rarely would parents, friends, or a community be accepting of a teenage girl dating a man in his twenties.

But I am not saying one is right and the other is wrong. Not at all. It just goes to show that who we are, and how we think is influenced a great deal by the culture in which we are raised.  Our culture often determines our religion, our taste in music and food, our daily activities, the sports we play, and even the type of people we’re interested in.

This is one reason I love to travel so much. I’m able to look at aspects of a culture, stand back, and decide for myself what kind of culture I want to create for myself. I can take bits and pieces from all that I’ve seen and become a sort of cultural mutt.

It is so true though: What we believe is largely what our culture has enabled us to believe.

“I want the cultures of all the lands to be blown about my house as freely as possible. But I refuse to be blown off my feet by any.”

- Mahatma Gandhi

Esta historia es sobre el amor. Pero, escúchame. Porque inmediatamente piensa que el amor es romantico. Con flores y estrellas y noches en la cama. Pero no. Este amor es diferente, porque este es el amor de todo el mundo. El presente y el pasado y el futuro. Esta historia del amor abarcará todas las varias formas del amor. Y diré esta historia en partes diferentes. Porque amor viene en partes diferentes tambíen.

This is a story about love. But, listen to me closely. Because immediately you begin to think of romantic love. With flowers, stars, and wild nights in the bedroom. But no. This love is different, because this is the love of the world. The present, the past, and the future. This story of love will encompass all of the various forms of love. And I will tell this story in different parts. Why? Because love comes in different parts as well.

Parte I:

Amor Para Mia

El espejo le da miedo. No le importa a Mia qué espejo, porque el reflejo era casi el mismo. Y, en el mente de ella, el reflejo era feo siempre, porque, en el mente de ella, ella era fea siempre. Y, tristemente, nadie le había dicho jamás que ella era hermosa.

The mirror frightened her the most. It didn´t matter to Mia which mirror, because the reflection was almost always the same. And, in her mind, the reflection was always ugly, because, in her mind, she was always ugly.

A veces, muy tarde por la noche, Mia apagaría las luces en el cuarto de baño. Ella esperaría dos o tres minutos. Ella se pararía sola en la oscuridad y esperaría. Ella se imaginaría su cara diferente. Ella se vería los labios más rojos, ojos más claros, una nariz más pequeña y piel menos imperfecta. Mia pensaría muy, muy fuerte e incluso oraría a Dios por estos cambios. Y después de dos o tres o a veces cuatro minutos, ella  encendería las luces para ver estos cambios. Pero no. Nada. Nunca. Ella parecería la misma, y poco a poco, las lágrimas caerían por las mejillas. “Quizá otro día,” ella se diría, y secaría lentamente las lágrimas de sus ojos como ella apagaría las luces una vez más.

Sometimes, very late at night, Mia would turn off the lights in the bathroom. She would wait 2, maybe three minutes. She would stand alone in the dark and wait. She would imagine her face different. She would see redder lips, lighter eyes, a smaller nose, and skin that is less imperfect. Mia would think very, very hard and even pray to God to help her with these changes. And after two, three, sometimes even four minutes, she would turn on the lights and look to see these changes occur on her face. But no. Nothing. Never. She would look exactly the same, and little by little, tears would slide down her face as her legs grew weak. “Another dia,” she would tell herself as she wiped the tears from her eyes and turned off the light one final time.

En realidad, no sólo era la cara que no le gustaba

 Continuará…

To be continued…

I am grateful.

All throughout the world there are different types of people. Some who are optimistic, who see life as a blessing, and who view it as a giant cup that’s perpetually half full. These people wake up in the morning, take a deep breath, and thank whichever god they believe in for the opportunity to be who they are, and where they are.

Then there are others. People who are afraid to embrace life because they are internally unhappy. Maybe they’re disappointed with a relationship they’re in, or with the profession they’ve chosen. And because of this, their world is not a beautiful place. Each day they wake up, and ever so slowly prepare themselves for another mediocre, disappointing day.

But I’m grateful. I’m grateful because I have met people along my life’s path that continue to inspire me. Their positivity and perspective on life pushes me to, in some way, mimic them. Today I received an e-mail from two of my closest and dearest friends, Nick and Erin, who are currently teaching in Cartagena, Colombia. They’ve begun a newsletter of their experiences, and as I was reading it I couldn’t help but become inspired. They are truly loving life, loving each other, and spreading that love as they go.

And it just forced me to reflect about how fortunate I am to have friendships like these. I’ve posted a picture of them at the bottom, along with a link to their site with the hope that they’re love, energy, and positivity continues to inspire others as well, as it inspires me.

The Glab Gazette!!

don’t open up
it’s safer this way

don’t expose yourself
because some will disagree

some might even criticize

don’t let your words flow
like rivers

which can be dirty,
and foul

rivers can flood and destroy
like words

be safe

take shelter

close your eyes

your mouth

your mind

then you’ll never offend

hurt

or humiliate

yourself

or others.

and

most of all

believe

everything

you’re

told.

** Anarchy and all-out obedience are both dangerous. We cannot be so afraid that we never speak up, yet we must not be so brash and emboldened and even prideful that we never stop to listen. Extremes are harmful to us all. **

He escrito sobre la perspectiva en el pasado. Pero estoy perdiendo perspectiva. ¿Por que? ¿Cómo? Es fácil. Cada día me despierto y tengo un apartamento muy bonito. Vivo en un apartamento con dos niveles, una buena vista, y en un lugar muy seguro. Despues, voy a mi colegio que es magnifico. Los estudiantes son los mejores en Guatemala, el campus está manteniendo perfectamente, y hay muchas personas que puede ayudarme y los estudiantes.

Y, cuando estoy en cualquier lugar, la gente me da respeta y las personas son amables porque yo tengo piel blanco, ojos claros, y pelo rubio.

Entonces estoy perdiendo perspectiva un poco. Pero, hoy, tengo mi pura perspectiva otra vez.

¿Por que? Porque ví una película se llama Recylced Life. La película es sobre la pobreza de Guatemala. Mas specificamente, la película muestra imagines de la personas que viven en el basurero. La gente tiene el nombre de Guajeros porque ellos recogen la basura y toma la basura a sus casas o ellos venden la basura.

Mi perspectiva se cambia por la mejor, porque yo estoy suerte. Yo estoy en una posición muy raro y necesito estar feliz que tengo todas las cosas yo necesito.

Ahora, recuerdo porque estoy aquí!

Car horns are wailing. People are sprinting up and down the streets screaming. Fireworks are exploding. And last time I checked Guatemala did not have a Super Bowl, nor a World Series.

So why all the commotion and ruckus?

Carlos Peña, that’s why! A Puro Chapin! A native of Guatemala City! And he has beaten Ricardo Caballero to become the new Latin American Idol! I completely understand that for some people this appears to be a ridiculous thing to be exuberant over, but if you were here, in Guatemala City, you’d understand.

There’s overwhelming pride, and even though I’m not from Guatemala, even though I’ve only been living here for a couple months, I feel it too. It’s powerful. His face was just on my shirt earlier today as I walked around campus sporting a black Carlos Peña t-shirt and now people are honking their horns to show their support for his victory. (And I’m blogging about him.)

But this is all because he wasn’t just singing for himself. He was singing for an entire country. He was representing Guatemala, and even now as I type this people are outside screaming his name in unison because he has shed positive light on his country.

And I think we forget this sometimes. We fail to realize that we are not independent of our families, friends, countries, jobs, etc. How we carry ourselves, and how we act does end up representing our ethnicity, age, gender, country and so much more. If only we’d realize this more often, and truly understand how powerful and impacting our actions can be we might alter them a bit.

I even wonder if we’d act differently knowing a whole country was supporting us? And I wonder if we’d act differently if our actions supported an entire country?

Yo apoyo Guatemala y Carlos Peña!

Open up your heart, what do you feel
Open up your heart, what do you feel… is real

The big bang may be a million years away
But I can’t think of a better time to say

World, hold on
Instead of messing with our future, open up inside
World, hold on
One day you will have to answer to the children of the sky

Children of the sky…
Children of the sky…

Look inside, you’ll find a deeper love
The kind that only comes from high above

If you ever meet your inner child, don’t cry
Tell them everything is gonna be all right

World, hold on
Come one, everybody in the universe, come on
World, hold on
One day you will have to answer to the children of the sky

Children of the sky… alright

Love, don’t take no for an answer, no

Right here,spread love, everybody join together now
One , one heart, love and unity, everybody sing
yeah!

World, hold on
Come one, everybody in the universe, come on
World, hold on
One day you will have to answer to the children of the sky

World, hold on
Come one, everybody in the universe, come on
World, hold on
One day you will have to answer to the children of the sky

Message:

First of all, if you want to get up and dance at any point during this song, I wouldn’t hold it against you. I’m actually dancing a bit while I’m typing, so I won’t judge.

Often times techno songs don’t get credit for having too much meaning but this song is filled with messages about love, and what could be better than that? World hold on, because love is comin’!

If you hadn’t noticed, the world changes every day. It spins, it rotates, it gets colder, cloudier, dirtier, cleaner, wetter, and even drier. And the people…oh the people get happier, sadder, healthier, and fatter.

So who are you to think that you can’t change it? Who are you to sit on your $100 pair of jeans and think that you have no say in what happens with this place? Well wake up! because we change the world, and we change it daily.  For the better, for the worse.  For the long-term and the short.  Yet we IRREFUTABLY and INCESSANTLY change it!

Then yesterday, as my world was changing, and I was helping to alter it, my students and I were discussing this. So one, very profound young man at just thirteen years old, standing much taller than I, said this…and I will never forget it:

“I set out to change the world, but realized the world was too big and I couldn’t change it by myself. Then I set out to change my country, but realized my country was also too big and I couldn’t change it by myself. Then I tried to change my community, but my community was too big and I couldn’t change it by myself. After that, I tried to change my family, but realized my family was too big and I couldn’t change it by myself. So finally, I set out to change myself and by changing myself I slowly changed my family, my community, my country, and even the world.”

Like I said, the world keeps on changing, and whether you’re willing to admit it or not, you’re changing it too.

Every morning I get to school around 6:30. The campus is calm, there are very few teachers and no students. But there are birds, hundreds of them. And every morning, around 6:45 or 7:00, not longer after I’ve opened my door, one or two birds will come hopping through my door into my classroom. They do this habitually and routinely. They never miss a day, and I wonder if they miss me on Saturday or Sunday.

It’s the most fascinating thing too, because they’ll come in, hop up and down on their two fragile legs, bobbing their heads forward and back, looking for food. Every once in a great while they’ll even be brave and nudge somewhat close to me. And although I’ve never done it, I’m always a little tempted to close the door with them inside to see what will happen. This might sound cruel, but it’s just the curious side of me that wonders what they’d do. Would they attack me and peck my face? Or would the sit at the door and wait like a dog until I let them out for their daily pee on the tree?

More than likely they’d probably fly around the room until I opened the door, but relax, I would never do this because I like their company in the morning, and I’d hate to scare them away.

Guatemala…the land of eternal spring and visits from birds in the morning.

¿Has tratado aprender una idioma nueva? ¿Tu sabes cómo defícil lo es? Todo es defícil. No es solamente las palabras. Puedo aprender verbos y sustantivos y adjectivos y preposiciones. Esos son faciles. No, que es horible es cuando estoy usando las palabras y no las puedo pronunciar o cambiar.

Y a veces me siento mejor cuando aprendo nuevas palabras cada día, pero despues yo recuerdo que hay miles mas que no conozco. Por ejemblo, cuando estoy hablando con una persona de Guatemala y está hablando en español yo solo sé unas pocas palabras que usa. Y muchas veces necesito decir, “Otra vez” o “Lo siento, no entiendo.”

Tengo frustracion. Tengo verguenza. Pero, es vale la pena. Voy a aprender porque yo entiendo que es normal para sufrir un poco cuando estamos aprendiendo cualquier cosa.

It’s a yearly thing I do. I have students set goals for themselves because I believe it’s important to have a plan, a quest even. And yet, while I do set goals for myself all the time, I rarely write them down the same way I have my students do it. And you know…that just ain’t right, is it?

So here goes. Over the next two years while I’m in Guatemala, I want to set some goals: short-term, long-term, specific, general, fun, serious, professional, personal, and just plain crazy goals. Here goes:

1. Become Fluent in Spanish:
a. By fluent I mean I’ll be able to carry on a conversation with someone in Spanish without using a dictionary, without saying, “Que?” and without nodding my head and smiling, pretending I had any clue what was just said to me.
b. And how will I do this? Well…easy. I’ll have to actually speak the language once in a while. I’ll have to open a book and study some Spanish verbs. And, this is wild, but I’ll have to stop hanging out with Gringos so much and immerse myself in the culture of Guatemala.

2. Travel throughout Central and South America:
a. By the time I leave Guatemala, my goal is to have visited every country in Central America (I’ve been to Mexico and Belize, but there’s also Honduras, Nicaragua, El Salvador, Panama, and Costa Rica). I also want to travel to at least three countries in South America. Preferably Colombia, Brazil, and Chile or Argentina.

3. Help ALL of my Students Improve their English:
a. This is a very general, broad goal, but by improve I hope they can speak better, read better, and write a little bit better by the time they leave my class. The best way to do this is by making class engaging and interesting.

4. Learn to Cook at least 10 different meals:
a. This is more specific, because it needs to be. I am 26 years old, and damn it, I should know how to cook more than a few different dishes. So, with the help of friends, my maid, and the Internet, I hope to learn how to cook.

5. Climb a Volcano:
a. Guatemala has volcanoes like California has sign twirlers. It seems like every time I turn my head I see another one. So, it would be a shame if I never went to the top of one. This goal I should be able to accomplish soon.

6. Write EVERY Day:
a. One time I read that people who journal, or who simply write on a regular basis are healthier, and get sick far less often than those who don’t. This is only one reason why I want to write every day though. The main reason is to capture this experience so I can fully appreciate it now and later. Each time I write I’m forced to focus on specific details throughout the day, which in turn forces me to be more aware of each day. So much can get lost if we don’t stop and reflect.
b. A sub goal for this would be to write in Spanish at least twice a week. Es un poco deficil ahora, pero voy a mejorar y vamos a ver si puedo escribir mejor tambien.

7. Read at least THREE books in Spanish.

8. Win a basketball tournament.

9. Learn to Scuba Dive.

10. Make a film about my experience here.

11. Fall in love and get married. (Maybe not in the next two years…but sometime soon would be nice.)

As you can see, now I’m starting to stretch my goals a bit.

I’ve always felt that it takes about one month to get comfortable with anything. Whether it’s a new job, a new relationship, or even a new country, I think a month is the perfect amount of time to start getting settled in.

And after one month in Guatemala, I am finally there. Here’s why:

• I’ve moved in to my apartment, met my neighbors, and even memorized my new address.
• I’ve set up my classroom, I know all of my students’ names, and I feel as though this is now my school.
• I’ve met new people and gotten to the point where I can already refer to many of them close friends.
• I’ve opened a bank account.
• I’ve cooked in my own apartment…not very well…but I cooked.
• I’ve established a routine.
• I have a maid coming on a regular basis…this is still a bit weird for me…nice…but weird.
• I’ve played basketball.
• I’ve done a little traveling.
• I’ve been to the grocery store several times, and been confused by products several times. What’s with this sweet milk not being cold anyway? I’ve never heard of warm milk…but it works I suppose.
• I feel at home.

Now, here are a few pictures of my classroom, my school, and my apartment.

I need to begin by saying I loved teaching in Southern California for three years. I made friendships with colleagues and students that will no doubt last a lifetime. I improved as a teacher while I was there. And I would do it all again without hesitation.

However, I knew all along that the school system in California did not value the education of the children. Nor did it value the working environment for its teacher or administrators or staff. Michael Moore recently made a film about the inequities and injustices of the US health care system. I wish he would do the same for education.

The fact of the matter is, if we truly valued the learning environment of our children, we would do things differently. We would have more schools, more rooms, more teachers, more counselors, more administrators, and fewer students per school. Never has this been more evident to me than it is now, because I’m at a new school.

And so I want to point out the differences between what I experienced in California, to what I’m experiencing here in Guatemala.

• Teacher to Student Ratio:
  • California: 60 teachers for 1500 students
  • Guatemala: 200 teachers for 1450 students
• Class size:
  • California: 32 students per class on average
  • Guatemala: 22 students per class on average
• Teaching load:
  • California: I taught 25 periods per week and got 5 periods off
  • Guatemala: I now teach 14 periods per week with 10 periods off
• Custodial Services:
  • California: Three custodians at one time, who take out the trash every night, but only vacuum twice a week.
  • Guatemala: More than 20-30 custodians at one time, who dust the entire room, mop the floor, and even wipe down desks EVERY DAY.
• Collaboration:
  • California: Collaboration was supposed to take place among team members during the one free period we had each day.
  • Guatemala: Collaboration takes place at a designated time every week during the school day and does not interfere with free periods.
• Administration:
  • California: Three administrators for 1500 students
  • Guatemala: Six administrators for 1450 students
• Extra-curricular Activities:
  • California: We had basketball, soccer, video productions, anime, tutoringand a bible study group. Most of the teachers who did these activities were either volunteers or were paid by an outside organization.
  • Guatemala: We have basketball, soccer, swimming, track, cheer leading, tutoring, homework help, for elementary, middle school, and high school boys and girls. And the coaches or tutors are ALWAYS paid. I’m sure I’m forgetting quite a few activities we have as well.
• Curriculum:
  • California: Standards based with a ton of testing and the elimination of arts for some students, and technology or music for others.
  • Guatemala: Skills based with opportunities to do projects. Students also take art, a THIRD language, life skills, AND technology! Notice I didn’t say OR.

One of the main reasons I decided to teach overseas was exactly so that I could see a different education system. I wanted to be able to compare my first experiences with something else. All along I knew that the school system in America was unjust, but I needed to have something to compare it to.

The argument can easily be made that this is a private school, and my other school was public. At the same time though, if we truly valued education the way we say we do, then we would find the money and the resources to create more schools, hire more teachers and staff, and eliminate the overwhelming stupidity of standardized tests. If we can suddenly uncover a gold mine for a war in Iraq, then we should be quite capable of uncovering one for education.

Today was the beginning of my fourth year teaching, and even after four years I was still filled with a bit of anxiety and a lot of excitement.  Beginning the year as a brand new teacher in Guatemala probably didn’t help any.  Nor did the fact that I’m teaching at one of the top schools in Guatemala.  Nor did the fact that I am still living in a hotel, I have none of the supplies I shipped from the U.S.  Nor did the fact that I’ve gotten very little sleep over the last few days.

But honestly, I loved every minute of it.  These students have so much personality and they’re completely full of life.  And the energy they give off is contagious.  Nothing is more motivating than a 13-year-old student giving you a high five, or shaking your hand and saying thank you in a genuine way.  Even their laughter is energizing.

Don’t get me wrong though, I miss my students from last year and the years before immensely.  But kids are kids no matter where you’re at in the world, and I’m just excited to be back in the classroom doing what I love.

On a daily basis we are lured by temptation. Tempted to say something we know we should not. Tempted to eat unhealthily. Tempted to lie around instead of be active. Tempted to be with someone simply for the thrill, rather than for any deeper purpose.

To make matters even worse, our culture seems to applaud and promote succumbing to temptation. Think about all the advertisements tempting us to buy a certain product so we’ll feel a certain way. All of the movies where a man is tempted and seduced by a beautiful woman. How often does he turn her down? And if, by some motion-picture miracle, he does look into her seductive eyes and say, “No, I have a family,” how often is this seen as a sign of strength?

As someone who in the past used to give in to temptation frequently, I do know this: I feel far more powerful and in control of my life every time I push temptations away.

It’s about SACRIFICE, and sacrificing something temporarily pleasurable for something more permanent and purposeful. Why not eat the two brownies, the donut, the bag of chips or the candy bar? Because you’re sacrificing that temporary taste for better overall health. Why not spend just one night with the girl from the bar? Because if you’re dating someone else or even married you’re sacrificing lust for love.

However, it seems that sacrificing anything of ourselves these days for the greater good is unpopular because we so rarely see it done. So instead, I create my own images of how I want to see the world and myself. I picture a man walking with his wife and children, his conscience clear because he knows that everything he has sacrificed has led to this point. And I picture him being healthy, his body clear of alcoholism, drugs, and fast food.

To put it simply: I want to continue SACRIFICING myself for something more meaningful and longer lasting, no matter what that might be. I want to continue to tame my temptations.

Facts, factoids, and just plain observations about Guatemala:

1. The money used in Guatemala is the quetzal. Two or more of them are quetzales.

2. Most of the things you buy have two prices. One is the local, Guatemalan price. The other is the gringo price. I think you can figure out which one is higher.

3. If you have 7.5 quetzales, that is equivalent to one dollar. If you have 800 quetzales at one time, or $100.00 that is equivalent to stupidity.

4. Guatemalans love blonde-haired people.

5. Many Guatemalans speak English, yet they are always happy to help others with their Spanish.

6. For all the negative media Guatemala gets, I´ve loved almost all of the ones I have met.

7. With that said, there are only a few zonas in Guatemala City which are safe to walk in alone. Luckily I will be living in one of them. Phew.

8. The water is not safe to drink, but it seems to be all right if you want to brush your teeth with it.

9. $650 for an apartment goes a long, long ways.

10. If you want to say Sexy in Spanish, you just say Sexy.

11. Smog checks haven´t really taken effect quite yet.

12. I feel tall here, and I´m only 5´10 or 5´11 depending on the shoes I´m wearing. The people are vertically challenged.

13. Gallo is a far more popular beer here than Budweiser is in America.

14. There is an Applebee´s, a TGIFriday´s, a Holiday Inn, and a McDonald´s not far from the hotel I´m in. Naturally, I´ve stayed away from all four.

15. If you are from Guatemala, and you´ve lived here your whole life, you are referred to as a Puro Chapin.

16.  There are fountains with women carved carefully into them, and water is pouring out of their chests.  (Remember, this is just an observation…oh, and the picture above provides proof.)

17. I´m sure there will be more to come.

Lyrics:

Well I walked over the bridge
Into the city where I live,
And I saw my old landlord.
Well we both said hello,
There was nowhere else to go,
‘cuz his rent I couldn’t afford.

Well relationships change,
Oh I think it’s kinda strange,
How money makes a man grow.
Some people they claim,
If you get enough fame,
You live over the rainbow.
Over the rainbow.

But the people on the street,
Out on buses or on feet,
We all got the same blood flow.
Oh, in society,
Every dollar got a deed,
We all need a place so we can go,
And feel over the rainbow.

But sometimes,
We forget what we got,
Who we are.
Oh who are are not.
I think we gotta chance,
To make it right.
Keep it loose,
Keep it tight.
Keep it tight.

I’m in love with a girl,
Who’s in love with the world,
Though I can’t help but follow.
Though I know some day,
She is bound to go away,
And stay over the rainbow.
Gotta learn how to let her go.
Over the rainbow.

Sometimes we forget who we got,
Who they are.
Oh, who they are not.
There is so much more in love,
Than black and white.
Keep it loose child,
Gotta keep it tight.
Keep it loose child,
Keep it tight.

Message:

There is definitely more than one message in this song, and what draws me to it is how much different it begins than ends.  Amos Lee starts by describing people in general…who we are, what makes us similar. Then in the last verse he’s describing a woman he must let go of.  When the song is broken down though, it’s easier to grasp some of the messages. Here are some lyrics I can relate to.

• “But the people on the street, out on buses or on feet, we all got the same blood flow.”

  • Now that I’m in Guatemala and clearly a foreigner in this country, I’m reminded of how I’m different daily. My hair, my skin, my gringo use of the language. Yet it helps to remind myself that I do have things in common with Guatemalans and that people all over the world are more similar than we think.

• “We all need a place where we can go, and feel over the rainbow.”

  • It’s difficult right now because I don’t have this place. Well, at least not a physical place anyway, so I’ve had to turn to writing to make me feel more comfortable and at ease. Music helps a lot too if I just need to relax. And of course conversations with people I’m close to make me feel more at home.

• “Sometimes we forget what we got. Who we are, and who we are not.”

  • Taking things for granted and losing perspective. These should both be added to the seven deadly sins. It’s easy to forget this sometimes in a completely different culture.

• “I’m in love with a girl who’s in love with the world.”

  • Well…not in love exactly…but I haven’t felt this way for someone in a long time.

• “There is so much more in love than black and white.”

  • Enough said.

I’m convinced that one of the most difficult things to do in life is learn a second language, especially once you’re over the age of…oh…about 14. Not because we can’t do it, but because we’re so afraid of doing it. More than anything, we’re afraid of making mistakes and seeming unintelligent as we get older. We all have this idea about who we are, and I guarantee that very few us envision ourselves as blubbering idiots trying to conjugate an easy verb like “querer” into its different forms.

That’s exactly what happens though with a second language. We make mistakes, we feel foolish, and really…who wants that? Very few people are brave enough to make mistake after mistake after mistake and still keep going. Very few people have enough courage to continue trying something after being laughed at and ridiculed.

With that said, there is one thing I absolutely love about learning a second language.

I love how the struggle of learning reveals so much about my character. Am I able to keep trying to speak Spanish even though I make mistakes virtually every time I open my mouth? Or do I get so embarrassed that I stay silent? Do I laugh at my errors and learn from them? Or do I become angry and frustrated?

I’m forced to answer questions like these about myself and it helps me reflect so much. Doing things that are simple and basic reveal nothing about my own character or anyone else’s for that matter. Yet learning a language opens the door wide open.

Quiero aprender mas!

Angtigua, Guatemala es una ciudad piqueño mas o menos 45 minutos fuera de la capital. Hay dos volcanes grandes y uno se llama Pacaya. Los dos volcanes son activados. La ciudas es muy bonita y tranquila y hay muchos extranjeros que estudiar español en este lugar. Hay las escuelas maravillosas a través de la ciudad.

Tengo fotos abajo.

After only two days as a teacher at the American School of Guatemala (Colegio Americano de Guatemala) I have begun taking pictures. I by no means captured everything. I haven’t yet gotten up the courage to take pictures of the three guards who stand at the front gate of the school. And I haven’t had time to take detailed pictures of my classroom or of the campus’s subtleties. But with the few photos below, I have tried to capture some of the natural beauty and landscaping of the school. This is easily one of the most beautiful school environments I’ve ever seen. In every way, it reminds me of a college campus.

This is one of the entrances to the school which leads to the library. Everything is completely wide open which allows nature to flood into the classrooms and the courtyards.

Teachers playing frisbie in the courtyard during one of our breaks. Open spaces like this are common throughout the campus.

This picture was taken from the top of the library and some of the elementary classrooms are on the right.

This is the back of the library.

One of the many long walks along the campus.

I will be disappointed with myself if at any point in the next two years I take any of this for granted. This is exactly the type of environment I was looking for. Natural, open, green, and well kept. There is such a level of respect for the school and I hope the students have this same amount of respect for it once they arrive.

My goal has always been to write at least one thing a day, no matter how long or deep or interesting. In college I was able to maintain this. Sometimes I wrote in the morning before going to class, sometimes I wrote after drinking a bit too much, and sometimes I stopped in the middle of a long day and just released my thoughts through writing.

The reason is simple: the more frequently I write, the more detail I’ll end up capturing. And the opposite is true: if my writing is sporadic then so much gets lost.

That’s what’s happening now. Since I last wrote anything, back on August 3rd, I’ve become much more intimate with someone, I’ve moved to Guatemala, worked for a day at my new school here, and met some amazing people from all over the world. But the details are getting lost now. The little things like kicking my sandals off and playing a little basketball on the courts at my new school fade away into one large overstatement like, “The school I’ll be teaching at for the next two years is more beautiful and breathtaking than I could’ve imagined.” I make blanket statements rather than focusing in on the details.

And I think we all do this. We want the BIG MOMENTS like traveling to a new country, but forget the little ones like hearing a song on the radio that reminds us of an old friend. The new romance in our lives gets far more attention than the drink of water we take after being a little dehydrated.

Yet the small details of our lives are so important, and if we don’t slow down to recognize them and APPRECIATE them, then they race on by just like the days and the weeks and the months.

So one reason I write is to remind myself to focus in on certain aspects of life which might otherwise elude me.  And I need to make a pact with myself that I will write each day and at least capture one moment, no matter how significant, no matter how unimportant.  The objective will be to simply FOCUS IN ON THE DETAILS AND THE NUANCES OF LIFE.

Yesterday, August 2nd, 2007, was my mom’s birthday. She is now 57 and I can guarantee that when she was my age she never envisioned her life turning out like this.  Unable to walk, unable to feed herself, unable to live in her own home.  The reality though, is that none of us foresee this for ourselves. But suffering happens, it’s natural in a variety of ways, and it’s how we deal with this suffering that eventually makes us who we are.

For my mom’s birthday, I have made her a video. It’s not much, but I hope it captures the moment in some small way.

“Do not dwell on the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”
- Siddhartha (Buddha)

This is one aspect of Buddhism I’ve always admired, yet also struggled with to some extent: The ability to focus completely on the present moment. My mind likes to wander, it likes to reflect on the things I have done, and it definitely likes to dream. It’s easy to live in the moment when you’ve just arrived in a beautiful Italian city like the one in the picture above. And it doesn’t take much effort to live in the moment when you’re with the person that you’re falling in love with and you’re holding each other under the stars. But, it’s terribly difficult to lie in bed at night and not think back through the day’s events. And it’s nearly impossible to stand in the shower and not picture what I’m going to do that day.

But I understand the value of living in the present.

Just imagine having a conversation with a close friend, and you have something important you want to tell her. You start sharing this with her but every minute or so she checks her watch because she’s thinking about somewhere she needs to go, or she keeps looking at her cell phone because she’s expecting a call. Throughout the conversation she has not been living in the present moment. She has been focusing far too much on the future and the present moment has been tainted.

I see this in my students a lot as well. They complain about how boring summer is and can’t wait for the school year to begin. Rather than appreciating the present moment, they dream about, and create illusions about the future. Then, about a month into the school year, they begin dreaming about the next long vacation or thinking back on summer vacation. Instead of absorbing the moment fully, their minds are fragmented. It happens with teachers too; teachers who can’t wait for the weekend or another day off.

Yet it never fails, that the happiest people I know are those who truly do live in the here and now. They don’t let fear about the future overwhelm them and they don’t dwell upon the past and regret decisions they’ve made.

The happiest people I know flow with life no matter what direction it takes them. If they get caught in a traffic jam they slow down and appreciate the music or call a friend, they don’t freak out and let it ruin their day.

What I’ve come to realize is that there’s nothing wrong with having dreams or thinking back on something I’ve done in the past. The danger arises when these things consume me in the present moment. When I was teaching at Jehue my last year, I was not sitting at my desk daydreaming about teaching in Guatemala. My mind and my attention were constantly in the present moment with my present students. And when I’m in Guatemala teaching, my attention will be on my students there.

Only when I am away from my current students and on my own will I take the time to think about my old students and even write to them or talk to them. And, when I’m with my old students my mind will be focused on them.

This type of mental discipline is challenging and it takes time to learn to control your mind. But few things are more worthwhile and valuable than having the ability to focus on the present. It is something I’m constantly reminding myself to do whether I’m eating, reading an e-mail from a former student, or even writing in here. The more I focus on the present moments, the happier I am.

(This entry is dedicated to Lurvin for being the inspiration behind it.)

We are human and it’s human nature to learn from each other. The problem though, is that we don’t always learn the most beneficial lessons, and we certainly don’t always teach what should truly be taught.

One thing I think we should all learn more about is death. Not so much the death of a soldier, or 200 people dying from a catastrophic airplane crash, but the slow, insidious death that most of us are going to succumb to. And this is why I’m drawn to Morrie Schwartz so much. He devoted his death and life to teaching others. He was, as he said he wanted to be, “A teacher to the last.”

And it’s so seldom that we see, or spend time with elderly people anymore. You rarely see them in movies or on TV or in advertisements. So where do we get our lessons about life? We get them from young, ignorant people who are still as confused as we are. Who still think that the most important thing in life is how attractive we are, or aren’t. We learn to be selfish rather than giving, we learn to fight rather than to swallow our pride and forgive, we learn that death is something that won’t happen for a long, long time rather than something that could realistically take place any minute now.

Worst of all, we learn to be apathetic towards others rather than taking the time to care about them.

Through listening to Morrie Schwartz though, and reading Tuesdays with Morrie, I have learned valuable life lessons that have stayed with me, and will continue to stay with me until my own death. It’s true you know, “Once you find your way to such teachers, you’ll always find your back. Sometimes it’s only in your head, sometimes it’s right along side their beds.”

One of my favorite books I’ve ever read is The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. The main idea of the story is that each one of us has the opportunity in life to follow our dreams and our destiny. The sad thing though, is that most of us don’t. We give up on our dreams, we lose ambition as we get older, and we settle. Whether it’s a career or even a significant other, we settle for what’s convenient, average, or “okay.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve asked a friend how his job is going and he’ll say, “Oh, it’s okay” or “It pays the bills” or my favorite: “It sucks, but it’s a job, it’s not supposed to be fun.”

This is settling. This is giving up. And in my opinion, this is sad and pathetic.

So why do people give up on their dreams or their Personal Legends as Paulo Coelho refers to them? Because pursuing a passion is terribly difficult and requires so much sacrifice. Right now I’m seeing this happen. My dream has always been to teach internationally, but in order to achieve this dream I’ve had to sacrifice so much. I gave up a job I loved in California. I’ve said goodbye to students and friends I’ve loved as well. And in less than two weeks I will have to leave my family and even a young woman I am becoming more intimate with to go live in a country for two years where I know virtually no one.

But I’m doing it despite the challenges and obstacles because it feels right. The more I reflect, and the more I question what it is I’m doing, the more confident I feel about my decision. And the people who truly believe in me and care about me, will support me regardless of where I end up in this world, whether it’s Guatemala, France, California, or anywhere else.

If you follow your Personal Legend, if you pursue your dreams, not only will you be happier and more fulfilled, but the world will be far better off as well!

The title of this blog is Education = Confidence. It could just as easily say Learning = Confidence, because the two are interchangeable. The point is simple: when you learn something new you feel more confident about who you are and what you can do. Obviously then, the more educated you are about any number of things, the higher your self-esteem will probably be.

Today was a great example of this. I learned to drive, and it was like I was 16 all over again.  With my brother as my teacher, I finally learned to drive a manual transmission car. And I have to be honest, now that I can push in the clutch, shift, and give the car gas all at the same time, I do feel more confident. It’s another thing in life that I know how to do. Matter of fact, I’ve been driving my brother’s car all around town with no awkward stalling or embarrassing sputters in the road.

More than anything, it goes to show that at 26 years old, I still have plenty to learn and when I become more educated I still feel good about my accomplishments.

Lyrics:

Hey there Delilah
What’s it like in New York City?
I’m a thousand miles away
But girl tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can’t shine as bright as you
I swear it’s true

Hey there Delilah
Don’t you worry about the distance
I’m right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice it’s my disguise
I’m by your side

Oh it’s what you do to me
Oh it’s what you do to me
Oh it’s what you do to me
Oh it’s what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me girl
Someday I’ll pay the bills with this guitar
We’ll have it good
We’ll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I’ve got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I’d write it all
Even more in love with me you’d fall
We’d have it all

Oh it’s what you do to me
Oh it’s what you do to me
Oh it’s what you do to me
Oh it’s what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they’ve got planes and trains and cars
I’d walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we’ll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you’re to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don’t you miss me
Two more years and you’ll be done with school
And I’ll be making history like I do
You’ll know it’s all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here’s to you
This ones for you

Oh it’s what you do to me
Oh it’s what you do to me
Oh it’s what you do to me
Oh it’s what you do to me
What you do to me.

Thoughts:

I’ve always loved songs that tell a story like the Beatles’ “Eleanor Rigby” or Eric Clapton’s “Wonderful Tonight.” When a simple yet beautiful tale is combined with an acoustic guitar and a powerful melody, you can’t help but listen to it over and over. This is one of those songs. Ever since I’ve heard it I’ve been trying to memorize every lyric, and I can’t help but sing along whenever I play it.

It might also help that at this very moment in my life I’m falling for someone and she’s about to be 1,000 miles away from me.  Too bad her name isn’t Delilah.

Hello. I am a vegetarian. And I think I frighten people. I truly believe that if 100 aliens floated down to earth in a fluorescent spaceship, the majority of Americans would be more comfortable having dinner with the spotted, green aliens than they would with 100 vegetarians.

I also think that vegetarians get asked more questions than aliens ever would.

Questions for Aliens:

1. Where are you from?

2. What’s it like there?

3. Where else have you traveled/invaded?

4. Are you invading us or just visiting?

Questions for Vegetarians:

1. What made you become a vegetarian?

2. What do you eat?

3. You still eat chicken, and fish, right?

4. Why can’t you just be normal like the rest of us?

5. Don’t you get cravings for meat?

6. Do you honestly think humans are designed to just eat vegetables?

7. How can you eat cheese and milk but not eat hamburger?

8. How long have you been an alien…I mean a vegetarian?

9. Is this some type of crazy religious thing you’re doing?

You know, when I became a vegetarian three years ago, I assumed the most difficult thing would be to just give up meat. It’s not. The most challenging thing is answering the same questions every time I go out to eat and being interrogated as if I were from another planet.

But honestly, it’s still worth it and I don’t think I could ever go back to eating the flesh of another animal. I’ve survived this long, what’s another 50 or 60 years??

Dear Mom,

I know this isn’t the picture you would want other people to see. You would rather have a picture of you ice skating at the Sioux City auditorium doing one of your graceful turns, I know. You’d prefer a picture when you were all dressed up at work, maybe answering a phone at your desk as a secretary at Mercy Hospital, I know.

But I’m sorry, this is the only picture I have of you, and even this one’s not all that current. It was taken about two years ago, and to be honest, I felt terrible even having this one taken. Seems a bit ridiculous you know…”Smile for the camera!” Smile, huh?

Mom, you’ve had Multiple Sclerosis for more than 10 years now, and this is how I see you. The memories of you being able to walk, to drive even, and to attend my little league baseball games are slowly fading. I’m a victim of time, and it’s true that we often remember and think about what’s most recent. And what’s most recent is you being confined to a bed, to a wheelchair, to dependency.

But through all this I want you to know that this situation has changed my life for the better. You have given me perspective, purpose, and a determination to live every day as fully as I possibly can. I’m not saying that your illness is a good thing…I would never wish this upon you. But I also don’t want you to feel as though your sickness was futile and the remainder of your life has been in vain. I would not be who I am had this not happened, and in return I vow to work harder, and to live my life less selfishly. These lessons might have escaped me had this not happened to you.

Love,

Your Son.

I feel terrible for people who never visit another state or country or continent. Nothing limits your perspective on things, and nothing keeps you from being open-minded more than staying in one place forever.

Traveling changes things. It opens my eyes to food, music, people, and especially perspectives. It makes me more creative but it also makes me more caring. Every time I go to a new city or country, I’m always exposed to something new.

And that was true on the last trip I took to the East Coast. After a total of one week in Boston, New York, and Washington D.C. I know so much more and am no longer intimidated by the thought of these huge important cities. We fear what we don’t know, which is why it’s crucial to visit other places and learn about other people. Because if we know them, and understand them, we won’t be so afraid.

Once again, without traveling, without exploring, and without experiencing different cultures, we can never truly understand our own.

It’s 12:14 a.m. and in three hours I’ll be flying to Boston, New York, and Washington DC for a week with my brother. In a perfect world I would be sleeping right now so that I could be well-rested for the trip. Since the world is not perfect, and neither am I, I cannot sleep so I’m writing in here.

My brother, Nick, and I are going to the Live Earth Concert in New York on 7/7/07. You can watch it on ABC on Saturday, or just look at the website. The concert is designed to promote awareness about global warming and the list of musicians who will play is incredible.

Without the earth, there is no music…among other things. On the positive side, no more earth = no more George Bush.

Art can be found everywhere…even on YouTube.

After 1600 miles and more than 24 hours in the car, I’m home. After driving from Rancho Cucamonga, California to Sioux City, Iowa, I’m home. And after driving through California, Nevada, Arizona, Utah, Colorado, Nebraska, and Iowa, I am home.

Here’s the trip in pictures.

The majority of these pictures were taken in Utah and Colorado.  The other states should not try to take credit for the beauty in these two states.  For instance, Nebraska is a very boring, ugly state…much like Nevada, and it would be ethically wrong for either of these states to claim that they have mountainous beauty the likes of Utah and Colorado.  Don’t be jealous either Iowa…you’ve been hit with the ugly stick a few times as well.

Books, like movies and music, have a strange way of influencing who we are and how we look at the world. It seems a bit foolish to think a book can have this type of an impact, but if you’ve ever read a book that has opened your eyes to something you never knew before, then you understand what I’m talking about.

Honestly, I feel sorry for those people who have never read a book that has expanded their minds and even changed their lives. Because I have read many.

Below is a list of 50 books that have impacted me in some way, and either changed the way I live, think, or even look at the world. They are ranked by the impact they’ve had on me…more or less.

1. Tuesdays with Morrie
2. The Alchemist
3. The Book of Learning and Forgetting
4. Ishmael
5. Our America: Life and Death on the South Side of Chicago
6. Buddhism Plain and Simple
   
7. A Child Called “It”
8. A Long Way Gone
9. The Rose that Grew from Concrete
   
10. The Pact
11. Fast Food Nation
12. Othello
13. Travels with Charlie
14. Beloved
15. To Kill a Mockingbird
16. 1984
17. The Miracle of St. Anthony
    
18. The Grapes of Wrath
19. The Catcher in the Rye
    
20. Diamond Cutter
21. A Man Named Dave
22. Am I Blue?
23. Go Ask Alice
24. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
    
25. Siddhartha
    
26. Middlesex
27. The Diary of Anne Frank
28. The Five People You Meet in Heaven
29. Romeo and Juliet
30. Catch-22
31. Slaughterhouse-Five
32. Invisible Man
33. Native Son
34. Give a Boy a Gun
35. Night
36. Morning Sun on a White Piano
37. Maus I and II
38. King Lear
39. Breath, Eyes, Memory
40. Fahrenheit 451
41. The Sound and the Fury
42. A Room of One’s Own
43. The da Vinci Code
44. Midnight’s Children
45. Childhood’s End
46. Three Cups of Tea
47. How to Think Like da Vinci

If you watch this entire video, it will inspire you. One father. One disabled son. And one extraordinary story. I can’t imagine how much different our world would be if the news focused more on stories such as this, rather than the negativity and ridiculous drama it focuses on now.

YOU ARE WHAT YOU CHOOSE TO PAY ATTENTION TO.

Are you passive, or are you active? A passive person watches as the world goes by, and never really takes control of his or her life. This person believes that what happens, happens and it’s going to happen whether they do anything about it or not. Que sera sera.

On the other hand, an active person not only speaks up, but also ACTS when things aren’t right, or when things need to be changed. If you are active, and you consider yourself an activist, you are not a victim of the world because you are in control.

Now, activism can be achieved in large ways, or minor ways. You can be an activist like Martin Luther King Jr. and speak out against racism and segregation, or you can do little things as well.

Below you will find an e-mail I sent to CafePress.com after ordering a group of t-shirts from them. Initially I bought about seven shirts from them, but after realizing what kind of company I was giving my money to, I decided to write them a letter, and inform them that I would be sending all the t-shirts back, unopened. Here is the e-mail. We’ll see if they write back.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Dear CafePress,

I currently have an order that’s being shipped and I’m considering returning it before I even look at the shirts.

Here’s why.

I originally purchased the shirts because I thought to myself, “This is a company that isn’t just out to make money. They actually have a conscience too and even want to help the people of Darfur.” After I saw this site of yours:
http://www.cafepress.com/darfur_crisis I was eager to purchase this shirt and more.

Then, as I was looking for other shirts, I started seeing things like these shirts:
http://www.cafepress.com/buy/SPEAK%20ENGLISH/-/cfpt2_/copt_/cfpt_/source_searchBox/x_0/y_0
One shirt even goes as far as to say, “SPEAK ENGLISH, or GET THE FUCK OUT.” Now, maybe I’m crazy, but it seems a bit hypocritical to be promoting the end of a genocide on one continent, all the while you’re promoting racism and bigotry on another one.

Obviously, I’m only one person and I can’t stop you from promoting hatred, but I can’t take my business elsewhere. I have been pleased with the service, but I want you to know that as soon as I receive the t-shirts, I’m sending them back.

Respectfully,

Corey Topf
_____________________________________________________________________________

“Let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and truth.” – 1 John 3:1

This song relates almost too well to what I said about wanting a new computer. This is easily one of the simplest yet most powerful songs I’ve ever heard. In such a short song there is a ton of meaning and truth.

look at all those fancy clothes
but these could keep us warm just like those
and what about your soul, is it cold
is it straight from the mold and ready to be sold
and cars and phones and diamond rings, bling bling
those are only removeable things
and what about your mind, does it shine oh
are there things that concern you more than your time

gone going gone everything gone give a damn
gone be the birds when they dont want to sing
gone people, all awkward with their things
gone

look at you out to make a deal
you try to be appealing but you loose your appeal
and what about those shoes you’re in today
they’ll do no good on the bridges you burnt along the way oh
you’re willing to sell anything gone with your hurt
leave your footprints we’ll shame them with our words
gone people, all careless and consumed
gone

gone going gone everything gone give a damn
gone be the birds when they dont want to sing
gone people, all akward with their things
gone

I have the most ridiculous dilemma in the world right now. Part of me wants to buy a new laptop, and part of me doesn’t. Part of me is being seduced by materialism, and part of me can’t stop imagining the people suffering in Darfur, or reminding myself that people all over the world don’t have enough food or clean water.

But you know…as I’m sitting here right now, thinking about all of this and truly reflecting on it, I think I may have come up with my answer. I will not be seduced by this culture. I keep telling myself that I don’t want to be changed down to my computer, that I don’t want to sit for hours staring at a screen, and now I won’t. As I prepare myself for a new culture in Guatemala, this is my first big step dismissing the very worst aspects of American culture.

Besides, at the end of my life, it will not please me to know that I had every fuckin’ version of Apple Macintosh laptop ever made since 2003. What will please me are the things I DID with my life, the PEOPLE I INTERACTED with, and the SIMPLICITY with which I lived.

It’s so easy if we truly THINK. STOP and THINK.

Thankfully, I have done just that tonight.

My life would be different if I didn’t look the way I do. We can lie about this, but the truth is, if I were obese, my life would be different. If I had atrocious acne, my life would be different. If I looked like Gael Garcia Bernal, my life would be different. Thinking about this inspired the poem below.

If I didn’t look like me
would you treat me differently?

If my skin was a shade darker
if I stood a few inches taller
if my hair was a little bit longer
would any of this really matter?

Because I wonder if you like me for me
or because you simply enjoy what you see?

If I wore baggy clothes
if I put a piercing in my nose
if I painted my fingers and my toes
would I still be the person everyone “knows”?

If I put on a few pounds
if I made funny sounds
I can’t help but wonder
would you still want me around?

Because I think we lie to ourselves
about the importance of looks.
We judge everything by what we see
especially the covers of books.

We smother our faces in make-up
we throw jell onto our hair
yet when someone laughs at our appearance
we lie like a child in trouble
and claim we don’t care.

So yeah…I think you would treat me differently,
if I didn’t look exactly like me.

I think it was January of 2007 when I first learned about the Invisible Children in Uganda, and this is a poem I wrote in their honor.

Writing poetry is easy
when you have pencil and paper
when you have books you can read
and you’ve got what you need.

But write a poem when you
can’t spell your name
you don’t know who to blame
because your life’s been filled
with nothing but shame.

So this is a poem
for those who can’t write
for those who can’t fight
for those who must hide out
in the middle of the night.

This is a poem
for those who are scared
for those who aren’t spared
because the wealth we have
ain’t shared.

This is a poem
for the children who are dying
as governments keep lying
and we keep denying
that there’s anything we can do.

Yeah life may be hard
but writing poetry should be easy
for me and for you.

This poem was written in 2006 and appeared on the 8th grade DVD that year. The power of the poem is its simplicity and truth.

I’m not so good at giving advice
because I’m wrong
much more than I am right
but I do know this to be true:
select your friends carefully
because you will do as they do.

I made friends with thieves
in my younger days
and of course I copied their ways.
I stole, I lied, I cheated
no matter how badly I was mistreated.
They showed me acceptance
even gave me attention
in return, all I had to do
was serve detention after detention.

Then I made friends who were smart
who cared more about school
than pretending to be cool.
I read, I studied, I listened
my life finally had a goal, even a mission.
In time I went to college
where I got my degree
I became a teacher of children
now I help them learn poetry.

But things could definitely be different
now that I ponder my past
had I kept friends with bad company
my dreams would have faded fast.

So once again, here’s my advice to you:
choose your friends wisely
because you will do as they do.